Today was another rollercoaster day and oh boy I wasn't feeling that well throughout the whole ride. But now that it's over, it feels like a dream, so surreal, that any moment I might just wake up and find that nothing had ever happened.

I don't want to dwell on what happened but I realised that I have to thank many people before I lose my chance to.

Thank you theo, for always being so helpful and staying back during lunch to tutor me for overture and hymn. Thank you for not giving up on me when I had already given up on myself. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for always being there and willing to tell me about your troubles. Thank you for all the encouragement you have given me, all the good advice on how to play the trombone properly. Thank you for treating me as a close junior, thank you for all the things you have ever done for me, caring more about my audition than you cared about your own. Thank you for crying with me. Thank you for all the tears you have shed for me, all the effort that you have put into me. I'm sorry for not being able to pass the audition even after all the time and effort you have spent on me. I'm sorry for not being able to play during syf with you. Thank you. You're a really really good senior! <3 Thanks for telling me I could do it.

Thank you clarice for being such a comfort during auditions and not being scary at all. Thanks for all the ever-so-useful advice on playing. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being willing to tutor me during lunch this tuesday too. Thank you for trying to break the news to me gently. Thank you for being a nice SL. And for being nice to me and accepting my interview for the human organs survey and for answering questions about the science SIA proposal. And thanks for trying to cheer me up.

Thank you wanting for the hug today. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for the many lame jokes we cracked together. Thank you for the LA notes. Thank you for introducing me to Terry Pratchett (his books rock my socks!). Thank you for the many memories during band camp. I still remember Irony. OH and thanks for the snacks!

Thank you pam for being a fun senior! I've always really liked you since the first time I met you haha. You're very fun to be around with! Elmo and Cookie Monster! Cookie's cuter right? Thanks for just being there and for being thirds with me rofl. Don't worry you can make it too! You're Pam, you can do anything! Jiayou! You'll always be my senior! Thanks for the hug!

Thank you clarissa and michelle for being such loveable section-batchmates! You guys are the coolest! Thanks for trying to make me un自闭 and always trying to make me look on the brighter side of things when I refused to walk out of the darkness. Thanks for supporting me. Thanks for all the wonderful memories! Thanks for having such funny nicknames (ssa and ahtay) and no thanks for calling me peewee -.- Thanks.....for everything. And standing for my lame jokes!

Thank you trombone section for being my section! For having a place for me somewhere. For being the section that I think is the best! With nice nice seniors!

Thank you May and Min Hui for chatting with me the day I was at one of my most downs. Thanks for giving advice. Thanks for just listening and trying to make sense of what I said and trying to understand and to help in your little own ways. Thanks for trying to make me seee the light at the end of the tunnel (torchlight remember?) Thanks thanks. I'm glad that we are friends!

And thank you to the person whom doesn't know all this but was the only one managed to stop me from wishing that I could forget about everything and be a happy fool. And prevented me from breaking down completely.

And thank you everyone I have ever loved. I'm still hanging in there for you guys.

And here I have something to say;
Even though I'm not in syf, even though they say that i'm not good enough. I'm still going to master overture and hymn no matter what. I'm still going for lunch practs, I'll still practice hard and I will still try my best. The only difference is that I'm not going to be there on syf but praying for the whole band. That's the only difference. And that's not really that important as opposed to mastering the songs! I'll move forward now. I will try my best. and even if i fail again, I'll fail trying my best and knowing that I had done so. That's all that matters.

I will try. I will prove to myself that I can do it.

Baby birds fly unsteadily, and sometimes even drop down when they first try to fly. But in the end, do they not fly and soar in the bright blue sky? Or do they just mope around after the first attempt and never try to flap their wings ever again?

I only know that if it's the latter, there would be no more birds flying in the sky.

So even though I'm not brave, even though I know that I will get hurt again, and that I will want to runaway again, even though I know that I will still cry, I will still try.

And I will fly.